Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking.

Luck Be A Lady at Charlestown Slots. Cha Ching, baby.

I constantly have this dream where my mother and I star in a film. The name of the movie is Throw Momma from the Train (1987 flick) and we reenact this scene:

Momma: Owen! Food!
Owen: In a minute, Momma.
Momma: Don't you "In a minute, Momma" me! Get off your fat little ass or I'll break it for you! I want two soft boiled eggs, white toast, and some of that grape jelly god damn it! And don't burn the toast!
Owen: Kill her, Larry.

On our way to our self-accepted gambling habit in West Virginia, my mother decides exactly 3 miles prior to the casino is when she's wants to have a "chat". (Meaning she wants to talk my ears off until they bleed and/or makes a point to expostulate my current situation in life.) Oh gawd why? Mother, can't you just stare out the window at the numerous gas attendants wearing not so clean overalls? Or even at the rednecks washing their old pickup trucks in what's barely left of an off-white, wife beater t-shirt? How about giving an evil eye to the kids playing in their own feces in a waterless inflatable turtle pool on the sidewalk? I just can't stomach a mother/daughter conversation. Grow up, mom. Really.

I've managed to deter her from conversation by strategically catching her off guard while swerving our SUV off to the side. Coincidently shaking her nerves and better judgment in hopes to swaying her from wanting to continue any idea of a "chat". While blaming the damn possums of the world for trying to kill us, of course. ;) Joking aside, going on a road trip with your mother can be a serious attack on your mental & physical stability. Mothers have this super power that can slowly drain you of your energy. Slowly they peel your soul away with questions and senile remarks...

Mom's Interpretation
Amnesia: Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to become sane again.

Luck Be A Lady (Loesser)

They call you lady luck
But there is room for doubt
At times you have a very un-lady-like way
Of running out

Gambling addiction is very serious. Just ask my mother. :) I heart my mom. I wouldn't love any other crazy woman than the one I call crazy lady. I mean, mom.

*Read The Way You Wear Your Hat by Bill Zihme, it's a collection of rare interviews about the life of Frank Sinatra. "You've got to love livin', baby," he would say, "because dying is a pain in the ass!"