Letters from camp. Well, sorta.

It's been a while since I've blogged. I'll keep you up to date with some letters I've sent from camp: (Let's not forget that I'm a young professional, have a full time job, and have an off the wall kind of sense of humor) Enjoy:

Dear Mom:

The kids are dorky. The food stinks. The only time we really have fun is late night back at the bunks. I'm going to try and earn ALL my badges this weekend. Say hi to Dad and the dog for me. P.S. Did you forget to pack my cold sore cream?
Love,
Leezuhhl

Dear Mom:

Camp is OK. Last night we had Chinese food and the smell made me homesick. Not sure why anyone wouldn't bring a rice cooker to camp. I mean, doesn't everyone have rice with every meal anymore?? Gotta go, have arts & crafts at 5 with old cd's. Pretty swell, huh?
Love,
Leezuhhl

Dear Mom:

Don't worry Mom. We do regular camp stuff. We told ghost stories around the cabin bunk beds and the camp director wanted us to get naked. Apparently it's 'scarier' when we're all nude. It was real neat. But I wasn't scared. I was a real trooper. I don't have much of a tan, because we rarely get to go outside. The activity list is as follows:
-Breakfast
-Bed inspection
-Panty raid
-Wallet making class
-CPR class for girls 16 and under
-Panty raid
-Lunch
-After lunch cuddling (also therapeutic for the fat kids like me)
-Macaroni & shells montage art class
-Panty raid
-Snack time at Cabin 6. (It's usually dark in there, and smells like bleach)
-Knitting
-Camp Director riding. We couldn't afford the horse this year, so the camp couselors offer rides to all the kids in camp. Odd they give rides inside the cabins...
-Dinner at the mess hall. We call it the "armpit of the camp"
-Letter writing/phone calls
-Lights out. So the camp counselors can sneak in.

I'm having a great time at camp. Better than last year's. That wimp camp I went to last year fed us weird food too. Lay off, Mom. I'm okay, really.

Hope to see you guys soon. I miss you.
Love,
Leezuhhl

Dear Mom,

I'm ok really. I'm eating enough. Definitely sleeping enough after we get tucked in by the counselors. Can you send more money? I spent my money on some lubricant and handcuffs earlier in the week, and the counselors need cash for the late night pizza & beers. Did you know that you can make a bong out of a 20 oz. coke bottle?? It's really kinda neat. Give my regards to Dad.
Love,
Leezuhhl

Dear Mom,

Forget the money for the lubricant and the handcuffs. We found a way to have fun without those things. Sorry I haven't written. The camp counselors really push us to earn more badges. My favorite couselor reminds me of Rain Man. He's cool. He likes to help me earn my badges. Swell guy. He wanted to know if he could be my bunk partner now that I seem to be the only kid left at camp. I told him it was alright. He's quite smart. He says I shouldn't call myself Liezel anymore. So I'm not.

Signed, Bitch.

Mother,

I've earned just about every badge I could here at camp. I am sad that camp is coming to an end on Sunday, but I must confess that I am drained. We have worked our asses off at camp. My ass has been sore since camp day one. You'll love how beautiful the sash looks with all the badges. I can't believe I earned the most flexible badge myself! I look forward to seeing you at the pickup. My counselors are really sad to see me go. They said I was the best camper yet! Hopefully your crack addiction won't get in the way of me attending camp next summer. Tell dad to bring the cold sore cream. The counselors are in desperate need.

Sincerely, camp bitch

Off topic:
Got an opportunity to chat with a friend long distance. She lives in New Mexico and I miss her terribly. I'm glad we got to chat last night Chrissy! So if it's 11:00pm Maryland time... it's what time again where you live? ;) Glad to hear things are going well, and let me know when is a good time for me to visit. I'll take the red eye if I have to. Sante Fe, Las Vegas... we'll paint the towns red together, baby! :)