Interviews: Are they just various mind games?

Interviews. Who needs this kind of uber pyschotic drama? I'd rather stand in line for the bathroom at a baseball game. At least they serve you beer and peanuts...

You know the drill. You "professionalize" your outfit to the point of "librarian gone horribly wrong" (suit, long skirt, hair in a bun, glasses, and a hand me down briefcase your grandfather used when he was a boy in school) I'd much rather don a look more like this naughty librarian to an interview. (Similar to my School Girl outfit of Halloween '03.) If you're good, I may just add a link to a pic. ;)

The following is a series of questions similar to any job interview process:
1. Please tell me about yourself?
2. Why should this company hire you?
3. What are your future plans?
4. What do expect to get from this job?
5. What are your weaknesses?
6. What are your strengths?
7. Why did you leave your last job?
8. What would your former employer say about you?
9. Why did you choose this career?
10. Why did you choose this company?

The following is a series of questions you should ask your future employer:
1. What would some of my responsibilities be?
2. How would my performance be evaluated?
3. Is there room for promotion?
4. Would there be any travel involved with this position?
5. Where do you see this company in two years?
6. Describe your management style?
7. How do you see me fitting into this company?


The two previous set of questions are similar to the job interview I had today at 2pm. Unfortunately, these were deemed ridiculous, and was quickly decoded to "Liezelism" questions. This is thanks to a special decoder ring that was lodged into the right part of my brain during a freak breakfast one fine day back in the summer of '89. This makes for any situation a bit more tolerable. Sitting in the most uncomfortable creation of a chair in the interviewer's stuffy office was not my idea of an "ideal" working environment. "Window office" my ass. And all this while still in the alleged librarian outfit, too. Interviews are not fun at all. What really needs to surface is your inner animal instinct to survive the dangerous world of the the "Office Space". The questions I heard sounded like this in my head during the last leg of our long interview:

1. Where do you see yourself in the next 15 minutes? Want to go out and have lunch? Maybe some post lunch sex?
2. Are you good at massage? And if so, what are your rates? Will adjacent cubicles get "group" rates?
3. Working the fax machine is vital to this company. What pictures of previous ass faxing sheets do you have? Any references? Can you list them?
4. Deadlines will be met. There are no questions about that. How much "overtime" are you willing to work while helping with the boss's "personal" matters of business?
5. Stealing from the company will not be tolerated. But really, what is your pain tolerance when it comes to weekly meeting spankings? The company raised the bar up to 9 last quarter. Are you a team player?
6. Your interest in the company is appreciated. Are there any outside interests you feel you can bring into the working environment here? Such as lesbian friend Fridays, Gang Bang Mondays, and "over the hump" Nipple Clamp Wednesdays?
7. Have you ever been in a situation where you had to stand up for what you believed in? Part two: And exactly how long does it take you to get out of the bondage ropes?


I believe it's safe to say that I answered the "MAN's" questions to the best of my ability. I have a second interview next week. I rule! (Excuse that last link in he questions. I think I went overboard with that one. Not to say it doesn't make me laugh) Hope I don't offend any S & M people out there. <---- Now, that's funny. ;p

On a side note: People in the improv comedy world know how to "take over" their local watering hole. Improv Happy Hour was a blast last night. Dancing like you don't know "what your momma gave you" was definitely a recurring theme throughout the evening. Nothing like good drink and great friends to create a fun happy hour. Body shots are completely ace. ;) (Not for the kiddies, my friends)