This blog is dedicated to significant memories & persons...

Relationships, in general, have been a fascination of mine. It's the various ways people communicate to one another that has always sparked a huge interest. Without a doubt, I can safely say that any given person can pick out at least one relationship in their lives that got them turned inside out, topsy turvy and all: Father/Mother, Brother/Sister, Husband/Wife, Father/Son, Mother/Daughter, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Friend/Friend.

What is it exactly do we get out of relationships, if anything at all?

Earlier I got to thinking about a past relationship I've had with a young gentleman, by the name of D.R.W. Caring man with a magnetic personality, loving nature, and a silly demeanor to boot. I will always remember the moments he would try to get me to open up, and not be so afraid to get "close" to him. He had opened the doors to a world of intimacy that I was not at all prepared for. Prior to him, all I knew was to keep my guard up and pray for the best. Slowly but surely, I began to trust him a little more. How does one convert a non-believer, you ask? Well, for one, he was never afraid to be intimate. Secondly, he didn't have to say it because he knew how to make me feel loved. He made it easy for me to let my guard down and simply love.

What's sad about this particular relationship is that the person being written about has no idea how wonderful he is and was to me. Surrounded, if not blinded by the ubiquitous coterie of "players", I can only hope I will find a man as genuinely honest and open as he. He was never afraid to talk to me. Nor was he ever hesitant to share his feelings. As a result, I often joked with him that he was more of the "girlfriend" in the relationship than I ever could be. It was a struggle being a couple the first two years. This was only because I found difficulty accepting the authenticity of one's words and of one's actions. *Funny how my improvisational class this Saturday had a lecture on the word sincerity. We received a lecture on this during our "character" workshop.*

How do we truly know that everything we do or say isn't total bullshit? What and who can we believe? Wouldn't speaking the truth be love's definitive? (in any and all relationships) I haven't ventured a sensible guess to why the truth is too damn hot to handle yet.

Relationships are like teeter totters; You have to give a little, to get a little, if you want to go anywhere. What if you were afraid to give, only because you were afraid you wouldn't receive?

It's mind boggling how we'll never truly remember what people say to us, but we will always remember how they made us feel.

Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment, are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.--- Deepak Chopra

Dedicated to D.R.W.: Thank you for your patience. You showed me how to love, and you always did.

(Damn shame that I had forgotten how... I'm just too damn afraid. Too damn afraid.)

The sun will be rising momentarily. I await the morning I find that certain warmth again.

Cazzata.

La mente e come un iceberg, esso galleggia con un settimo della relativa massa sopra acqua.

Ho perso la mia mente nel processo.

The difficulty with communication is that someone has to always speak first.

I think it's pretty much agreed that it goes:
Open minded, GOOD. Judgemental, BAD.

But are are being too quick to judge judgement?

Perhaps judgement is not so much a snap decision, as an early warning and detection device.

If it's instantly clear that a person, place, or even a profession is not for you, is it better to ignore your better judgement, and read between the lines? Or should you judge a book by it's cover?

And are feelings just like the snow falling outside my window, piling up and waiting for someone or yourself to discard?

The thing is, there are some things people don't admit because they don't like they dont' like the way it sounds.

"I'm scared."
"I'm getting a divorce."
"I'm lonely."
"I'm not sure."


There is only one small step between enthusiasm and excessive optimism, and the better of me is preventing me from overstepping that border.

Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.

...Even Van Gogh had a "fear of success" and a "fear of failure"

We know that Van Gogh placed enormous faith in the future, not on the future potential of his own work, but in "an art of the future... so lovely and so young" that it was worth sacrificing his youth and ultimately his life in the making. He was rather a harsh self-critic; many pictures now considered masterpieces were to his mind merely studies. Van Gogh maintained a certain, and not untypical, love-hate attitude toward selling his work. Like most artists he was motivated more by the making, rather than by the selling, of his works. Perhaps he was even more idealistic than most: "My opinion is that the best thing would be to work on till art lovers feel drawn toward it of their own accord, instead of having to praise or explain it."

By the time he died in 1890, at the age of thirty-seven, Vincent van Gogh had painted hundreds of pictures, yet he sold only a few. Today, his paintings sell for millions of dollars each, and his life, as an artist is, legendary. He is the quintessential modern artist, working on the edge of his sensibilities, where life and art are intimately bound together. (Very similar to William Shakespeare's work.)

Hollywood producers are frequently faced with problems such as that Gordon Wiles in 1946 on the set of the motion-picture Bel-Ami:how do you film a rainstorm without ruining the expensive costumes and scenery with water? But the solutions are rarely as out of place as in Wiles case, for he later attributed his solution not to the "wizardry" of cinematographers but to Vincent van Gogh. The Dutch painter's 1885 canvas The Garden of the Vicarage at Nuenen had suggested a way that the illusion of a downpour could be created through the use of plastics, gauzes, and lighting effects, and thus inspired a breakthrough in movie special effects. And wasn't it in 1971, "Vincent", song by artist Don McLean, had teenagers everywhere singing "Starry, starry night..."?

Vincent's legacy of over 800 letters to family and friends, and over 2000 paintings & drawings has been consulted by genuine who's who in twentieth century arts and letters. Alongside art historians, critics, and artist, the impressive roster includes filmmakers, dramatists, songwriters, poets, novelists, and philosophers. Nor has the scientific community been immune: witness the numerous clinical reports on his illness or the more recent investigations of his night skies by astronomers.

I have had The Starry Night, and Starlight over the Rhone hang proudly on my walls. Not so much for bragging rights that I (along with countless others) have a replica of such masterpieces in my home. Not only does his style of work fascinate me, but also the stories behind each painting. The Starry Night was painted while Vincent was in the asylum at Saint-Remy and his behavior was very erratic at the time, due to the severity of his attacks. Unlike most of Van Gogh's works, Starry Night was painted from memory and not outdoors as was Vincent's preference. This may, in part, explain why the emotional impact of the work is so much more powerful than many of Van Gogh's other works from the same period. Is this the work of a tortured mind? Or is there something more we can read within the whorls Vincent's raging night sky? This is what makes Starry Night not only Vincent's most famous work, but also one of its most frequently interpreted in terms of its meaning and importance.

If creative beauty can exist through a touch of madness, then there's nothing one can fail to achieve through persistence and hard work. Slight disregard from outside opinion or conformity can help offset boundaries. Who knows what wonderful things can come to be if we just kept writing, drawing, laughing, and singing...


(The Night Cafe)

"There may be a great fire in our soul, yet no one ever comes to warm himself at it, and the passers-by see only a wisp of smoke.
-Vincent van Gogh"

No great genius has ever existed without some touch of madness.

-Aristotle BC 384-322, Greek Philosopher

Happy New Year Leezuhhl bloggist loyalists! Hope everyone's holidays were full of good drink and good company. How did you celebrate the holidays? I apologize if your holidays weren't as enjoyable. If I had anything to do with it, I apologize about that as well.

Funny link courtesy of Boing Boing Here's the link: (Titled) Gotta get my stuff done (Animation on procrastination.)

Boing Boing is a fun site, but here are just a few favorite bookmarks I do my rounds with on the internet.

Times Online
Verbatim
Arts Journal
This American Life
Geek Press

Rented a few good movies last week: Garden State, Anchorman: Legend of Ron Burgundy, and Napoleon Dynamite. I recommend you all do the same.

This quote is from Anchorman. (I can go on and on with quotes from this movie. Unfortunately, I have to be at work. So I'll keep them to myself, for now) Brick Tamland is my favorite character. I'll probably be quoting him until I get this movie out of my system.

Veronica Corningstone: ...and that can be very distracting. Okay, so when we get to the pet shop...
Brick Tamland: Cough. Look over here. Excuse me, Veronica?
Veronica Corningstone: Yes? What is it, Brick?
Brick Tamland: I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party.
Veronica Corningstone: Excuse me?
Brick Tamland: [struggling] The... party. With the... with the pants. Party with pants?
Veronica Corningstone: Brick, are you saying that there's a party in your pants and that I'm invited?
Brick Tamland: That's it.
Veronica Corningstone: Did Brian tell you to say this, Brick?
Brick Tamland: No! Yes. He did.
Veronica Corningstone: Okay. No. I don't want to go to a party in your pants.
Brick Tamland: Very well. Ian, would you like to go to a party in my pants?
Ian: No, Brick.
Brick Tamland: All right. Lets go.
[runs off, there is a sound of crashing off screen]
Brick Tamland: It's all right! I'm all right!

-It's the year 2005. Make it a good one. Once again, Happy New Year.