Never too early to get ready for college hoops, baby! ;)

Can't wait to see if the Illini are as good as advertised. A lot of outlets have them making a Final Four run behind Williams, Brown, Head, Powell and Augustine. Ah, gotta love the pre-season top 25 rankings:


1. Wake Forest
Deacons have Chris Paul, probably the BEST point guard in the country. Eric Williams is an awesome forward (potential to take over a game in the paint.)
2. Kansas
Expect a Final Four appearance with this year's crew. Jayhawks don't play a road game or even a significant home game in November or December
3. Georgia Tech
Lost in championship game (Connecticut 82-73). Bynum is money aka Mr. Clutch. I expect the Yellow Jackets to give the ACC an interesting season.
4. North Carolina
Tar Heels got a scheduling break with a trip to a rebuilding Indiana in the ACC/Big Ten Challenge. Raymond Felton is my favorite player.
5. Syracuse
The Orange, (who doesn't mind the nickname change)It's certainly more gender neutral for all of the university. Gerry McNamara is a tough guard.
6. Arizona
Salim Stoudamire at shooting guard is a threat. Damn good. Watch for his pout face when he makes mistakes on the court.
7. UConn
Can Jim Calhoun bring the Huskies another championship title? This squad just needs leadership from Marcus Williams.
8. Oklahoma State
They made it to the Final Four, got experience but lost Tony Allen. The cowboys need another big time scorer... Hmm.
9. Illinois
Illinois plays Gonzaga in Indianapolis, Wake Forest during the ACC-Big Ten Challenge, at Arkansas and vs. Oregon and Missouri. It's a Big Ten test of sorts.
10.Maryland
Terps won the ACC title. (Go Terps!) Only losing Jamar Smith, Gary Williams still has Gilchrist, Caner-Medley, Garrison, and Strawberry to defending the title. We need to be consistent this year. Especially from Caner-Medley. Let's step it up boys. Let's step it up! FEAR THE TURTLE!
11. Mississippi State
The Bulldogs continue to get bounced out early in the NCAAs. If they can shake their March issues, they can make the 2nd round of the Big Dance.
12. Louisvillle
Pitino has 2 Seniors, Otis George and Larry O'Bannon, and they both can bring the Cardinals to some heavy hitting games.
13. Kentucky
Wildcats lack experience. Coach Tubby Smith has a relative cast of unknowns that he can form into a title contender. He can transform this team into an SEC champ.
14. Duke
FUCK DUKE. *Sorry* The Blue Devils have J.J. Riddick, who should be playing for the NBA. His arm is similar to a pistol that shoots with such precise aim. It's quite RICOCKULOUS. I hate the man, but he's damn talented.
15. Michigan State
The Spartans haven't performed well under high expectations. Tom Izzo leads a great squad, if only the players can find themselves the right roles on the court.
16. Florida
The Gators need to focus more on their defense if they want to bust out their dancing shoes. Anthony Roberson is a great point guard.
17. NC State
I am a fan of Julius Hodge. Great player. The Wolfpack should look to him and Tony Bethel for leadership.
18. Alabama
The Crimson Tide lost in Elite Eight (Connecticut 87-71.) Tons of newcomers. Should be interesting to see the team come together mid-season.
19. Notre Dame
The fighting Irish have forward Torin Francis and point guard Chris Thomas to give Syracuse's McNamara a run for their money. The best 1-2 in the Big East? We'll see.
20. Texas
The Longhorns have P.J. Tucker, one of the most versatile forwards in the country. Their freshman class has experience as well. Could be top 10 by March.
21. Pittsburgh
Point guard Carl Krauser always marks the sign of the 'X' when he hits a 3 to represent his native Bronx, also gives the Panthers a chance in every game.
22. Memphis
The tigers have a hard schedule this season. Much love to Coach John Calipari. They do have talent. Keep an eye out on Sean Banks. (Just gotta love the name!)
23. Washington
Huskies need to work on defense. DEFENSE, DEFENSE, DEFENSE. Nate Robinson is a great player. NBA material, though only 5'9, tough as nails.
24. Wisconsin
The Badgers will took to Coach Ryan & Zach Morley for support. Winning the Big Ten isn't outta the question for this squad.
25. Stanford
Just like the Badgers, the Cardinal are a machine that just keeps on running smoothly. Chris Hernandez is a great player to watch.


Liezel's notes:

-Interesting to see no Cincy.
-On another ranking, Dickie V has Kentucky 3rd. (Not sure why)
-Glad to see ACC being well represented this year. GO TERPS!
-Two words: Chris Taft. He's going to have a monster year at Pitt.
-Fuck Duke (pardon me. again.) Gotta be one of the lowest Duke pre-season ranks ever. Defintely suprising, although not unwelcome, to see the Dukies ranked that low.

Still the best picture ever taken: (GO MARYLAND!) That was a great game. Games that run in overtime against rival teams make for great nights at the local college bars! I remember watching it at Cornerstone in College Park. Fun times. Fun times.


**I was going to write about a different topic, but I got my college hoops magazine in the mail. I've been reading it like a 12 year old with his father's copy of Playboy. Can't put it down. ;)**

In the great spirit of Maryland Terps basketball:
We're going to beat the hell outta you, and you, and you, and you! (Repeat chant)

There's nothing like a great game of college hoops and beer. Ah. I cannot wait.
I have started off the morning right... May the day begin now.

Pending if I should head out to DC for Mad Alley magazine's "Coming out party" at club DC9 tonight. I'd only be going for the celebrity sightings. We'll see how I feel around 5pm. For more info: www.dcnine.com The party kicks off at 9pm.

Come support the new indie music magazine. With or without me there. (Oh, and the first 10 people get a copy of the mag FREE.)

I've been coming home late from work. I seem to squeeze in dinner & drinks before crashing. That's what I get for working late and volunteering for the overtime. We'll see how long this cycle lasts. I'm bound to drive into a tree from working too much. (Sorry Ellise, I know this happened to you just last week.) Still love you, you damn retard! We definitely make work fun.

I've been so tired. I've tried getting to bed at a reasonable hour. Not sure why it hasn't been working out. I end up reading or watching tv, losing the 8 hours of shut eye my asian ass desperately requires. It also makes for a very cranky Leezuhhl every morning at 7 or 8am when the alarm goes off.

It's getting to the point where I'm forgetting important events.
-Had to see a friend for dinner last night. (Forgot)
-Supposed to get my hair "did" and do something drastically dramatic. (Forgot)
-Have to go to a bar mitzvah on Friday (Almost forgot) Now I'm screwed because I haven't gotten Julian a gift yet. GRRRR. I work everyday, including the day of his barmitvah. I'm going to end up giving him a banking package from work. ;) YIKES! That's exactly what 13-year old boys want, "Banking packages".

I'm being terribly forgetful this week. What I do remember: This is my weekend off. A 3-day weekend, that is. Boss decided to give me Monday as well. :)

It'll be interesting to see my ass starting my weekend off by being Jewish on Friday night. (Bust out the wine and matzah, here I come!)

SIDE NOTE:
Total Lunar Eclipse tonight.

Only a matter of time before we figure this out, eh? ...Is it about the timing of things?

Isn't there a saying that it's all about the timing of things? Well, what if your life was always 10 minutes behind, or 15 minutes too fast? I'm always reminded of the play, All in the Timing,(David Ives is a genius) when I think of my own personal life. Instead of my life being a paradoxical comedy comprising of six acts, I've got about 32 acts... and none have anything to do with one another.

Taken from a review:

If you haven't seen or read any of these plays, you simply don't know what you're missing. David Ives is to America Theatre what William Shakespeare was to British Theatre. The only difference is, David Ives is funny. Obviously underrated, Ives knows how to write plays in a way that is (although I've seen it done) hard to screw up. All you really need to have is a basic sense of rhythm and his plays are a breeze. Just know that he is a master of the English language and will have you studying the basic underlying rhythm of speech (English Made Simple, Phillip Glass), studying relationships (Sure Thing, ForePlay, Seven Menu's) as well as death and Mamet (Speed the Play, Variations on the Death of Trotsky). Ives knows creativity, and works hard at his craft.

Shakespeare was funny. So is Mr. Ives. David Ives excels at creating theatre which is funny and poignant. The collection of short plays is filled with sublimely ridiculous situations, and from them comes the true meanings of life, understanding and mainly love. Ives world may be farce, but his characters are real. He shows us that despite the zaniness of our own world, or perhaps because of it, we have within us the capacity to find ourselves and each other. Even if it does take twelve dozen tries at the sound of a bell. :) (One of my favorite scenes)

All in the timing is a play that is fragmented, pardoxical, twisted, convoluted, and highly amusing. Much like my own personal timing in life. Too bad I'm off a few minutes because I haven't changed my batteries since the early 80's.

I remember doing this play in college. (Poorly done, that is) I fell in love with this play, and the musical, She Loves Me. "Where's my other shoe?" (cluck, cluck, cluck.) And to all the actors or "so-called actors" who know absolutely shit about plays that aren't mainstream... READ A DAMN BOOK! I hate having to explain plays to people that haven't been on Broadway. There are MANY plays out there worth reading, watching... other than Lion King, Phantom, Les Mis. You know who you are, don't make me point you out.

Nothing like a little Ironic, by Alanis Morissette:

A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic...dontcha think
A little too ironic...and yeah I really do think...

Timing. It's all in the timing. Too bad I'm already late to work to start the work week off. ;) Oh well.

Where have all the manners gone?

Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm the one with "high expectations". Whatever the case, I feel that most people have disregarded every notion of what is commonly called common sense. A lot of us have been schooled at an early age to say "please" and "thank you". Others weren't lucky enough to even hear them...

Yes, I understand that most Americans have lost the idea of common courtesy. We'll let an elderly woman stand before offering her a seat on the subway. We rather push the button to close the doors in the elevator than wait the 3 seconds to let that person on. What kind of rush are we in that we couldn't wait?? I'm not one to preach on what to do, but I am one to shake my head and pray that humanity finally gets the point.

If you're ordering food, and I'm in the room with you... FRIGGIN ASK ME WHAT I WANT! (Even if I don't want anything. Just friggin ask!) It's just plain rude NOT to ask. Ugh.

Ok. I'm done. More on manners later. I'm off to workoff my anger in the gym. Then a delicous fattening dinner later. ;)

Oderint dum metuant (Atreus) Let them hate me provided they fear me

Phobia of the day:
Venustraphobia- Fear of beautiful women.



I intimidate the customers of my banking institution. Allegedly. It could simply be my aggressive sales approach, but then again, it could be my thigh highs and black pumps. ;) I had a strange thing happen at work today. I overheard a customer seeking help about CD's and I began walking over to him for some assistance. As he took a glance at me, a "once over" if you will, he darted to another representative out on the platform. Talk about dissing a sister... Damn.

I was told by a fellow employee that the customer had a serious case of Venustraphobia. I couldn't believe that people who suffer from this strange phobia actually exist in the USA. (and in my 'hood) I mean, countries who lack the necessities of running water, thongs, and great hair accessories should surely have men (and some women) running amuck. More so for the simple fact they've never seen anyone beautiful before. Yet, here in our great nation, we have people getting nose & boob jobs on their lunch breaks. There are "hot" women just about everywhere you look. It's getting to the point where all the beautiful women aren't so unique anymore. Which is why I can't understand why one would have such a phobia. Not here and certainly not in my town. And definitely not involving me. I'm usually the woman the "drunk" men hit on because I look like Christy Turlington or Swan Lady (whatever floats your boat, really) after 8 shots of Grand Marnier. This kind of phobia is usually present in the patient from a very long time and has a lot to do with his experiences in love and early dealings with the opposite sex. Hell, if these are some symptoms, then all the men I have encountered in my life have "VENUSTRAPHOBIA".

Phobia Treatment & Prevention
Stay away from places where beautiful women will frequent (obvious isn't it?). Join a Bachelors Club and spend most of your time there. Marry an ugly woman or turn Gay. Attend a job where girls or women are not allowed to join. The best bet is to settle down on a deserted island or live on a secluded hill in India where you won't find anything but monkeys and snakes.

Risky Career Options for People with this Phobia
- Hairstylist
- Girls School Teacher
- Aerobics Instructor or Dance Trainer
- Psychiatrist or Marriage counselor
- Talent Scout/Modeling Manager

Good Career Options for People with this Phobia
- Mining
- Bachelor Club Manager
- Forest & Hilly Regions Research Scientist
- Dungeon & Dragon's Gaming tester
- Gorilla Armpit Scratcher (Yes, this is an actual job)

I thought these were fun phobias:

Cacophobia: Fear of ugliness. (Now, if someone ran away from me with this fear, I would definitely be more understanding...)
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words. (Now, that's a long word.)
Anemophobia: Fear of air.
Anglophobia: Fear of England. (What a bloody shame! I like England. Never been.)
Phronemophobia: Fear of thinking. (Uh duh)
Arachibutyrophobia: Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.
Parthenophobia: Fear of virgins. (Ha, so you've been to my old high school...)
Coitophobia: Fear of sexual intercourse. (See above, perhaps?)
Phallophobia: Fear of penises. (Lesbies & Nuns top this category.) Would the fear of any interaction with little penises count in this category? If there was a different phobia for that, I'd own it! ;-p
I'd call it "IsThatAnExtraBellyButtonphobia".

--Only moments after reading Andrea Mackris's sexual harassment complaint against Bill O'Reilly, (courtesy of the smoking gun) I had to take a shower to quickly "wash" off the ICK. I've never felt so disgusted. I may NEVER read again. The link is a quick jump to the ICK. Ugh.

--Ellise, glad we got to hang out aftwer work. Nothing like after work drinks at Happy Hour. Honestly, who goes to Wal-Mart to purchase boxes of "fun size" peanut M&M's that'll last at least 10 years?? (We do.) That's why we needed the drinks, sister. Delicious, delicious alcohol. Wine is our savior, no? Let us pray...

LIEZELism of the day:
HAPPY HOUR= Period of time at the bar when the drinks are 80% water, and 20% overpriced. Now, that's 100% bullshit. ;)

*Thank god for bloody good shiraz, particularly the Grant Burge Barossa Miamba Shiraz. (Classic Barossa red.) Now, this is a great night cap. One bottle, and only one of me. :) Now that's an awesome drinker/wine ratio. Actually, it helps with the insomnia.

I am counting down the days to the weekend, folks... It's been a LONG work week.

"I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones."

Ah, the art of auditioning. As someone really clever once said, "Be in the moment." I was asked to return for the World Cup of Comedy audition finals last night. Sadly, I was not in the moment for both my audition scenes. Was I nervous you ask? No. The thing about the audition process is that you got to give them your ALL. I'll use my audition last Tuesday as an example. I was given a scene that involved 2 people at a bar embarking on a blossoming romance done in the style of a silent movie. (I know. What kind of audition involves no dialogue??) Given, this being my first improv audition, I used my acting audition techniques to compensate for my inexperience in the comedy casting call. I was in the moment. I created an objective on stage and found the beat (and the beat changes). The scene had called for no dialogue, so I had to use body language to the 10th utmost degree. Overall, I was pleased with the scene and felt good walking off stage. Unfortunately, I could not repeat a similar mastery of the audition scenes last night.

I will say this to all 27 improv performers at the callback finals:

There was something in your performance from your first audition that wanted the producers/directors (tv whores who makes tons of money) to see more from you on stage. It was the choices you made that got you to the finals last night. There's no true method in mastering the audition process. Just give them what they want to see and the rest is golden. (Listen. Listen. Listen.) If the scene calls for a troll in an office done in the style of Hitchcock, someone better be a troll, and someone better mention Norman or those damn birds! :) Apparently, you have something they think could make the show a success. Just remember, you beat out so many other people for your seat last night. That in itself is an accomplishment.

It was a great time nonetheless. Yes, your time on stage in terribly limited. Make the best of your stagetime, offer suggestions, and be fearless. (Someone really cute told me that once.) ;)

It was my first improv audition, but definitely not my last. I have to say that improv auditions are much more fun than acting gig auditions. And there's no big casting couch. (whew)

-Yes, please send all sympathy cards to the Neelsville Traditional bank branch. I may be depressed from my poor audition performance. I welcome lunches, gift certificates, and cookies. Oh, and please limit your gifts to 3 packages. :)

"To tell of disappointment and misery, to thicken the darkness of futurity, and perplex the labyrinth of uncertainty, has been always a delicious employment of the poets"
Samuel Johnson

Razzos: You're my favorite drill sergeant. Too bad I'm late. And gave birth to a hideous child. Ugh. You should have "pushed" me down the stairs...

Westfall: You are a funny & talented man. Who knew?? ;) Glad to see you perform improv comedy outside the DC Improv classroom. Too cool.

Conan O'Brien: (Who wasn't there last night) "Just be cool my babies"

-Side note: I'm going to have to sleep with Kelsey Grammar to get on this damn improv show. SHIT. Wish me luck. I'm going to need it...

... spotted a fellow actor friend in a tv commercial as I turned off my tv. I'm always checking for the news, weather, sport scores, etc. I was getting on my way to work when a commercial from the Original Pancake House caught my attention. Dave Coyne was the evil spy in the movie, EvenFall. This was an indie film I did almost 2 years ago. I played the "hot chick". (And no, I'm not talking Rob Schneider's flick) For some reason, I always run into him. Ouch.

"I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at." :-D

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ's
Had to give my pillow some much needed head yesterday... :-p
I. Was. Exhausted.
Crashed relatively early. Can't remember when I passed out. (Just like prom nite.)

I crashed as soon as I could. Apologies if you tried to contact me. I was off in LaLa Land dreaming of floating cupcakes and whatnot.

-Accepted a trivial challenge the other night from a hardcore "G": Name the place. Name the time. You are going down, my friend. You don't intimidate me at all. We'll see who has a bigger set of "thoughts". Bring it, beyotch. Bring it.

-Listened to these fine songs on my way to the Bethesda Arts Street Festival yesteray:

Technotronic "Pump Up the Jam"
Cathy Dennis "Touch me all night long"
Ace of Base "It's a beautiful life"
High Five "Kissing Game"
(There are more, but I would hate to lose more friends.)

Yes, I'm the gayest person ever. (No doubt my friends are gay, too) They listen to the same old school crap I do. Normally I don't "JAM" to early 90's music, but it was a fun day to just jam to music and view great art.

-Walked around Dupont and downtown DC, too. Had Brunch. Missed the Farmer's Market. Damn shame. Would have LOVED to have purchased a random exotic fruit and used it as an art piece.

-Received a phone call from an old Jersey friend. Kelleher, you rock my world. "Den-Den". I miss North Jersey with a passion.

-Ah. Shout out to a Mr. Nargi: Funny man, was always a big fan of his. Wasn't high school fun times, my friend?? Glad we had an opportunity to chat online yesterday. Hope all is well in NC. You owe me tons of pens...

___________________________________________________

"There may be a great fire in our soul, yet no one ever comes to warm himself at it, and the passers-by see only a wisp of smoke."

People always ask me if I'm always been the way that I am, and I reply laughing, "I don't ever remember being anything else BUT me."

I'm beginning to suspect that I'm a little different from the rest of the flock...

On that note: Somebody's got a case of the Mondays...

Intelligence is NOT what you think

Taken from Osho's foreword from Intelligence The Creative Response to Now:

A Catholic, a Protestant, and a Jew were talking to a friend who said he had just been given six months to live.

"What would you do," the man asked the Catholic, "if your doctor gave you six months to live?"

"Ah!" said the Catholic. "I would give all my belongings to the church, take communion every Sunday, and say Hail Marys regularly."

"And you?" he asked the Protestant.

"I would sell everything and go on a world cruise and have a great time!"

"And you?" he said to the Jew.

"Me?" I would see another doctor."

That is intelligence!

This morning I grabbed some breakfast and a cup of joe to start off the day. I gave the cashier $10 to pay off my $7 bill. The person behind the counter looked confused. (More or less like a deer in headlights.) I asked if anything was wrong and he replied, "No. Um. Huh... I'm guessing I need to give you $4.50. But I don't have enough $5 bills. Let me figure this out." I gave him a minute to "rethink" this transaction and what he just said to me. All I needed was $3 friggin bucks back. So, the sick and twisted person that I am, began to screw with him. I gave him .50 cents to throw him more into a loop. Mission accomplished. He ended up giving me $6.50 back and told me, "Thank God you helped me. I would have never figured this out. Have a great day." He then helped the next person as I gathered my belongings together. I gave back the $3.50 and smiled at him. Before I left, I said, "Don't worry, it happens to the best of us."

... I'm going to hell. Care to join me? :)

P.S. Shout out to a Mr. Shawn Westfall for moving along the improv auditions and making callbacks. Terribly excited for you, you Woodley Park "G". And I read your blog, beyotch.

--Midnight Madness at the Comcast Center tonight, baby!! 9pm is when the madness begins. GO TERPS! (Damn shame I forgot to get tickets. Grrrr.) Gary, let's bring those Terps to an undefeated season!!!!

The thing about performance, even if it's only an illusion, is a celebration of the fact that we do contain within ourselves infinite possibilities

Check out this guy's new hooptie. I'm thinking he should give Xzibit a call to that extreme car makeover show "Pimp my Ride" on MTV. Xzibit and the good people at West Coast Customs make people's cars go from dirt to pimped in the 30 minute series. After all is said and done, the pimped out car is usually worth $20,000 to $30,000. If you are in pursuit of getting your hoop dawg pimped out, I suggest visiting MTV.COM for more details. Wouldn't life be grand if we could just "pimp" out everything else in our lives? Think about it, and get back to me.



--Word of the Day: Undies. (Think Bob Maloogaloogaloogalooga from the movie "Big Man On Campus" when saying it/using it in a sentence today)

Hmmm. Speaking of movies, what is your favorite line of dialogue from a film? (Like great song lyrics or passages from a novel) These words can make you smile, get you thinking, or holding your sides from all your belly aching from laughing.

You gotta love these movie quotes: (Enjoy) :)

Airplane
Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

Gone with the Wind
"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!"

Casablanca
"What is your nationality?"
"I'm a drunkard."
"That makes Rick a citizen of the world."

As Good As It Gets
"Come on in, and try not to ruin everything by being you."

Clue
"Life after death is as improbable as sex after marriage."

Spaceballs
"If there's one thing I despise, it is a fair fight."

Wizard of Oz
"I haven't got a brain... only straw."
"How can you talk if you haven't got a brain?"
"I don't know... But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking... don't they?"
"Yes, I guess you're right."

These are just a few I can remember. Sadly, none of these quotes are in my top 10 list. I just happened to look over at my dvd collection aka "Greatest Movie Collection Ever" and wanted to share these with everyone. I would need much more time to jot down better movie quotes. Love movies. Yes, I'm a dork.

In the great words of Ace Ventura, Pet Detective:

If I'm not back in five minutes... wait longer!

Christopher Columbus gave us the "discovery of the new world", spices, and an observed holiday. Don't mind he was a ruthless & greedy imperialist...

That's me, Ellise and her man, Dan. Look for these ugly mugs on that Comcast Sports Show that comes on at 7:30pm. (I never watch it.) Isn't that what SportsCenter on ESPN is for?? The real sports show?? Every Monday at Dave and Buster's, they come in and interview various sporting personalities. (Mostly Redskins players for this sports season.) Matt Reed,(not pictured above) a fellow Rockville Pike junkie, was asked to participate in the questioning portion of the show. He has got to be the biggest Skins fan ever. Wonder if his girl and fellow roomies got to see his drunk ass on camera. :)

It was a great day to be off. I got to finally sleep in, which is something I rarely get to do. My body has this terrible habit of waking up early even before the alarm buzzes me awake. It was much needed. Much needed. The past weekend was a great end cap for my horrible work week. I'd say it was pandalicious.

Off to work. I'm working the early shift today. That's why I couldn't get "krunked up" last night and went to bed at a reasonable hour. Have an audition later this evening, too. Off topic, contact me if you can tell me how to keep your nipples from getting too hard. I'd hate for them to fall off because they got too cold... I forgot how cold it can get at night. Pretty sure I cut up the sheets last night. Thinking I tore up that piece like a rabid dog gone hungry. Opps. E-mail me @ JoyseyGirl@hotmail.com ;)

CHEW ON THIS WHILE I'M AWAY:

Redskins predict presidential winner?

FOOTBALL + ELECTION

Did you know....??

The Washington Redskins have proved to be a time-tested election predictor. In the previous 15 elections, if the Washington Redskins have lost their last home game prior to the election, the incumbent party has lost the White House. When they have won, the incumbent has stayed in power.

This election year, that deciding game takes place on Sunday, October 31 ... vs. Green Bay.

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice...

I would like to dedicate this blog to all the astute readers of Leezuhhl's Blog. (and the rest of the hum drum "hooked on phonics" wannabes...)

The holiday season is vastly approaching, so I prepared a small list of items for Hannukah Harry, St. Nick, or your "Kris Kringle" ass to get me for Christmas:

*BEER. Lots Of BEER.
*Fashion accessories for my "gat"
*Jesus Christ Action Figure
*Updated First Aid Kit
*Subscription to Martha Stewart's new magazine
*Lunch at my favorite NYC deli
*Great seats/tickets for the NCAA tourney 2005
*Round trip (all year long) to my favorite destination...
*All expenses paid "Night Out" with my girls
*House broken puppy
*Massive Doobie for me to share with good friends

This is my "draft" holiday list. If you have questions to specific brands, sizes, or colors I prefer, feel free to e-mail me at JoyseyGirl@hotmail.com. :)

... And I'm back with Liezelisms. Blog on bitches. Blog on.

Arthur Schopenhauer once said, "The two foes of human happiness are pain and boredom." No shit.

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask why me? Then a voice answers nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.
-Charles Schulz

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.
(Will someone just club me in the head with a baby seal and put me out of my misery?)

I won't get into how god awful the past two days have been. For I may have to take a moment to myself every other word. To add insult to injury, I had most of the CCB security department give me the "googly" eyes earlier this afternoon. I had to retake my thumprints for the FBI for work. What really chaps my ass is that I've been working for the company over 2 months now. Way to "clear" me at the bank and staying on top of things, fellas. I was being hit on so hard by this security person helping me with the retake prints. (I was beginning to think this "retake" was a setup.) He kept insisting I was the prettiest woman he's ever seen. He must not get out much... Or own a tv. I'm guessing he had a long day at work to forget his wife and daughter could top all other women this category. He blatantly told me that as soon as his wife dies in a plane crash that I'd be the first person he calls. Um... How do I take that as a form of flattery?? YOU DON'T! Make matters worse, when I had to update my work badge, they had to bring my personal information up on the computer console for all the other security perverts to see. One guy said, "Is that your home or cell number?" Of course, everyone else took a "look" too. Why did they have to ask which branch I worked at? They're friggin security, they can look up my info after I leave. (kind of like the 13 year-old boys who look up porn at the library. *Shudders* I felt so dirty... I left that Bethesda building faster than an anorexic girl in a pie eating contest. I wouldn't be so angry if they sent me flowers or candy to my branch, though. At least that way, I wouldn't think they're perverts. Just personal stalkers. Ugh. God must really hate me.

On my day off, I had to travel the tri-state area for one reason or another. Just call me Gimpy half-step. I doubt I'll regain feeling in my left leg ever again! :( Oy Vey.

I'll retire to my corner and continue feeling sorry for my gimp ass. I need a really stiff drink, a big hug, a good laugh, and a major bong hit. Be in contact with me asap if you can help with any one of these fine remedies...

I'm a sad panda...

(Kudos to you if you know which South Park episode that is from.)

The blundering madness of miscommunication.

Wow! It's like a Danielle Steele novel in here!
...From a writer, I'm pretty sure that's an insult.

Ladder 49 came out this weekend. Apparently, my head of hair made the cut. (Highlights. Look for chick with highlights.) Thanks to my mother who reportedly stood up in the middle of the theater (somewhere in N.C., mind you) and shouted, "That's my daughter! That's the back of her head. I know that hair anywhere!" *Palms face into hands* I'm glad she went to the movie w/out me!

Every celebrity needs to start off with a fanbase. I just happen to have my own mother as the President of my fanclub. I did neglect to tell her that my line may or may not make the final cut. She wants a percentage of the residuals. Damn woman! Effin bastard...

--Didn't look at the schedule too closely at work. In need of particular days off. Not because I drink all night and party like a rock star, (which is always a good reason to NOT work) but for valid reasons: auditions, bi-weekly meeting with parole officer, weekly trip to N.I.H. for "random" drug testing, and the 2nd Friday of every month I check out the local pediatrcian's office for the new issue of "HighLights". I also go door to door selling magazine subscriptions for my fellow Jehovah's witnesses. (We cover more ground this way)

Joking aside, this is going to be a busy week. Next week is looking crazy as well. If no one hears from me, meaning you haven't gotten my usual e-mail, phone call, text message, singing telegram, "snail mail" via pony express... call for help. Not sure if I'll come out of it sane. I'll get through it, of course. Hell, I've lived in Jersey for God's sake. I know I bitch about it, but I love living a meshogonah life. (That's the only way I know God truly loves me.)

I'm grateful I don't live a thug life like "Shaw Diddy Fall". That man has his 'hos & bitches working on corners where foreign thugs with cameras make it difficult for a bitch to get "paid". Location, bitch. Location. For Rizzy! It ain't gangsta if it ain't a Cafe Mocha from StarBucks, beyotch. It's NOT hardcore if it ain't frothy. Hardest working pimp on the "C" block. Got it, bitch?

Don't Be a Menace to Woodley Park While Drinking Your "Cafe Latte" in the Hood.

--Don't you dare mess with Shaw Diddy's peeps. They'll cut you up then head over to the Gap for the big khaki's sale. Hardcore shit going on in Diddy's 'hood.


*Much love goes out to a Ms. Brenda up in NJ for pimping me out to everyone via instant messaging on AOL by placing an away message: Liezel is in Ladder 49. I miss you guys terribly! I'll be heading up north (NJ/NYC) for frequent weekend trips during the next couple of months. Nothing says fun than out of the blue trips to NYC... It's my kind of town, baby!!

On that note:
I'm going to make like a baby and "head out".
PEEEEACE.